Why Pretend To Forgive? … November 8, 2015

Forgive thine enemy. What? Are you crazy?

Well, in any case, such forgiveness would be pretense, nothing more. You could state it clearly as loud as you want. You could claim it true and genuine forgiveness, but it would be a lie. Once deceived, once treated badly, you will forever be wary of the person. Things will never be the same.

In the name of God almighty, I forgive you! Don’t make me laugh, you can’t forgive them no matter how much you try. You could call up a thousand deities and forgiveness will still not be produced. Be it a betrayal of your trust or some act of violence, deceit, treachery, you will always suspect and never trust that person completely ever again.

Why pretend? You might not hate such a person, or you may, depending upon the act committed. If such a person entered the bedroom of your child and cut that child in half for no reason whatsoever you certainly are entitled to hate. It will certainly be understood when you never forgive. In fact, such an act will make even a stranger hate the person who has so viciously acted. Forgiveness will never occur to parent or stranger… and that is fine. No one need forgive or forget such acts of violence.

Yet even the mildest offense is never forgotten. An inadvertent omission of a friend from a list of invites to a party may permanently damage a friendship. Forgetting someone’s name could turn the tables later when the forgotten person is in charge of your next promotion. People tend to remember insults, slights, and violations while the good things are forgotten. Good news rarely makes the pages of a newspaper, television broadcast, or radio presentation. Who indeed finds interesting reading in a report that everything went as expected?

Personally, I remember every slight committed against me over the 50 plus years of my conscious remembered life. Yet, the kind things are only remembered with great effort, if at all. A human flaw I see many share. After all, I think evolution would have it no other way, as survival depends on not being fooled twice. What a dupe anyone would be judged to be if we fell for the same scam every time it was pulled.

Our lives are guided by reciprocity. If I do for you now, it is expected that you will do for me later. Allies depend on such reciprocity. Guard my back and I will guard yours. If an ally fails even once to reciprocate that ally becomes less trusted, less of an ally. That trust, once broken will never be as strong again. Like some cheap welding job, it will always be suspect.

Why do you suppose trust is so fragile? I suppose it might be because there are users. People who will use you when they need you, but will never be there for you when you are in need. I have met quite a number of users in my life. I remember them all… not fondly. I suspect such people are lacking in some human quality. Perhaps they lack sufficient mirror neurons in their brains to enable to see things from your point of view. They do not see the hurt they do. The compassion of such a person must be woefully lacking. They are unable to sympathize with your status. Even if you decide to never forgive such a person for their slights, they lack the capacity to realize that you have animosity for them. Such people must be always happy because they simply are unaware of those around them that they have trashed.

Since it is my belief that forgiveness is impossible, why pretend? Trust you may have had, but it will never be the same again. Humans are so fallible that it is a wonder how there are any friends or trust at all.

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