My expectations rarely sync with outcomes. I expect outcome A, and most often the outcome is some other unexpected letter. I become disappointed.

It is not as if I expect all things to proceed in an orderly way according to my desires. It seems though, most often, that things proceed counter to my desires. If outcomes proceeded harmlessly, but out of sync, I could tolerate that well… but counter is a hard row to hoe.

Ever I try to face this reality with calm but frustration builds and disrupts thinking time and again. Through deep breathing and thinking other thoughts more preferred I can most often return to a state of calm. I admit some issues are more disruptive than others lately, but with time these too will be overcome.

Much of my frustration stems from my inability to relate to some group. Many times it seems the goal of the group is to extinguish my existence. They do not come out bluntly and say just that, but it would be an outcome of their goal should their goal be realized. Other times their efforts seem to be aimed toward gaining advantage… at my expense. Again, that goal is not explicitly stated, it would simply be an outcome of realized success. My impulse is to audibly oppose their efforts. This is usually met with anger and hatred. Name-calling and insults to my character ensue. They practice verbal volleys intended to silence my resistance. I know they experience frustration, I am glad, at my unmoving stance.

It is becoming easier to endure verbal bouts with those who believe they know exactly what I should think. The frustration that they cannot be swayed from their wrongly held beliefs, and they are beliefs, continues. The depth of feeling I have has lessened, as I accept that they will never change. Although it is my intention never to become violent, I cannot promise that I never will. When an animal becomes cornered it is more dangerous. In the end all humans are animals. Who can predict what their reaction might be when the mob is coming for them?