Why Doest Thou Bother Me? ….. January 2, 2013

I suppose the answer to this question is clear. Why do christians (yes, I am aware that I did not capitalize the word christian) proselytize? Christianity in and of itself is a powerful mental virus. It can make its adherents do some very strange things, we must admit.

virus b

As a virus it has the need to spread to new hosts. Once instilled within its host, it urges its host to go forth and spread the infection via proselytizing. In fact, they are made to believe that the ultimate goal of this belief will not be realized until such time as everyone has been infected, or at least exposed, to the contagion.

Here are some of the reasons a christian is likely to give:

1. Jesus told us to.

Before Jesus ascended into heaven he gave his followers this reminder, “This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.” Luke 24:47-49.

2. It’s good news!

The word gospel actually means “good news.” It’s the ultimate good news that Jesus died in our place for our sins and that through simple faith in him we have the gift of eternal life. As Romans 10:14,15 reminds us, “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent?”

3. It saves people from hell.bible

The Bible makes it clear that those who die without believing the gospel message go to hell. The apostle John put it rather bluntly in John 3:36, “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him.”

So, it’s convert, or die. Simple and concise, black or white, no grays in between. See the light or forever remain in the dark. Accept and gain life immortal, reject and receive death immortal. Only the Sith deal in absolutes.


Over the years I have been threatened numerous times with hell eternal by “wonderful” christians citing dreary passages from their holy tome. It seems they do not understand fully when you explain to them that you do not believe in any of it. They spout their threats and seem to pause, expecting, it seems, some kind of display of fear or angst about what they have spewed. For many of these poor wretched victims of the mind virus it is baffling when no fear or angst is forthcoming. Then, when you begin to undermine the foundation of their beliefs by citing facts of your own, accrued by honest study, you transform into a leper, from which they cannot retreat quickly enough. The truth, it seems, causes a flight response to be issued by the viral meme.

What can you do to make it clear that you do not want their “kind” advances? How do you politely tell them that their lives have been wasted in service to a cause, a creator, which does not exist? These well-meaning automatons of god need enlightenment. Like the fingernail being dragged on the chalkboard these people persist.

cow eyesvending machine coin

Without physically removing the cow-like eye of one of these servants of Jeebus with my carefully placed thumb, how can I otherwise impart my irritation upon receiving repetitive beseeches to submit or die. I have tried a kindly “no thank you”. Most often that results in the reflexive proffering of christian material in the form of tracts, as if “no thank you” was a coin inserted into a vending machine slot.


So, in desperation, I sought some solution, a small measure of relief, from the incoming parade of intellectually void viral agents at my door.

no christians please a

I posted a sign.

Only one lone missile from the far-right has since encroached upon my peace and well-being, and they departed once I directed them to the sign prominently displayed on my door.

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10 Responses to Why Doest Thou Bother Me? ….. January 2, 2013

  1. Howie says:

    Love the sign – almost made me pee in my pants! 🙂 The smiles in the sign was a small detail that added to my laughter.

  2. drenn1077 says:

    If I recall correctly, the signs are either available from CafePress, or evolvefish.
    The town of Mansfield Ohio has so many churches one is almost on every corner. The fundamentalists are everywhere.

  3. Fred Levins says:

    It is a funny sign.

    About ten years ago while living on the West Coast, I put a sign on my apartment door that I wrote using a calligraphic pen. I’m not skilled in calligraphy, but the letters had an ornate appearance, if I say so myself. It read: “Jehovah’s Witnesses not welcome.” The local UPS man came by and chuckled with approval.

  4. drenn1077 says:

    Excellent, Fred, did it work?

  5. Fred Levins says:

    If I recall correctly, the Jehovah’s Witnesses never returned.

    Mormon missionaries came by, too. More than once. It was before I had put up any signs. I actually enjoyed talking with them. I told one pair that I could not believe that a Creator would torture some of his finite creations, those who supposedly end up in hell, for eternity due to their finite set of transgressions. I told them that I didn’t believe in hell, nor do I even believe that Hitler is being punished somehow in an afterlife. I was impressed that one of the missionaries had apparently encountered this line of thought before and had a ready reply: “An infinite God demands infinite justice.” I felt sorry for him bound to such a belief and silently hoped that his beliefs did not lead to mental distress for him later in his life. I can’t recall whether it was on that occasion, or another, during which I had so much to say, I made the missionaries late for a speaking engagement. After we had been going at it for about a half-hour, suddenly one of them looked at his watch, apologized, and said they had to leave in order to attend a meeting. They scurried off. I outlasted them.

    Unfortunately, non-religious salespeople of all sorts kept coming. The most notorious were associated with a company that would hire young people apparently with no better prospect — and I trust very poorly paid — from other areas of the country, then bus them to California, where they would work selling magazine subscriptions long hours everyday while living in motels. Signs didn’t stop them. The young people struck me as being, for the most part, desperate victims. A local weekly paper, the Mountain View Voice, published an article on the operation. At least one of the young salespeople had a criminal record and engaged in wrongdoing while going door-to-door.

  6. drenn1077 says:

    In reference to your magazine salespeople… there was an episode of dragnet, the series of the 70’s, that depicted young people trapped into selling magazines. Many would give these tear-jerk stories to kindly older people and talk them into taking several hundred dollars worth of subscriptions. Subscriptions they could hardly afford with their meager fixed incomes.

  7. Fred Levins says:

    It reads like door-to-door soliciting for magazine subscriptions is a con game with deep historical roots.

    The young people that came to my door invariably had the same pitch. Briefly, they were selling magazine subscriptions to earn points that would help them finance the furtherance of their educations.

    By mentioning my experience with non-religious salespeople, I have taken us away from your primary focus. Sorry about that. I noticed that you wrote to Howie: “The town of Mansfield Ohio has so many churches one is almost on every corner. The fundamentalists are everywhere.” Germane to that, a couple summers ago I was on a visit to Mansfield, and I was driving on Cook Road along a portion southwest of Mansfield, a very familiar stretch of road that I bicycled on, even traversed on foot, countless times in decades past. I was struck by the appearance of two, or maybe it was three, Protestant (evangelical?) churches that were not there before. I thought of you at that moment.

  8. Mahirane says:

    I think you may be slightly miiatdersnundsng what the word atheist means. I am an atheist, but I don’t claim to be able to ascertain whether god exists or not either. To make such a claim would be irrational as you stated, since the existence of god or gods is an unfalsifiable existential proposition. What can be falsified are certain illogical beliefs found in religions, and I think that’s all Monica is saying, which is different the claim that gods certainly don’t exist. All atheism means is a lack of belief in gods, rather than what you seem to think it means, which is a belief in a lack of gods. Word order is very important there.On the other hand, you can go so far as to say that gods don’t seem to exist, and that there is no reason to believe they do.a0Russel’s teapot analogy illustrates this well. Sure, it is technically impossible to say with absolute certainty that there is no undetectable teapot orbiting the sun, but there’s no evidence to suggest it does, and more than enough reason to argue against those who would have people follow illogical (occasionally downright evil) teapot worshiping doctrines.

  9. drenn1077 says:

    I think you misunderstand my viewpoint on the non-existence of Man-made gods. It is my contention that all the gods in existence present and past, have been creations of the human imagination. We can therefore dismiss easily those particular gods. This includes the Christian God, which atheists in America are so fond of leaving the door open a crack. Is there a god of some type? Who knows. It seems however that if there is, that god is not paying any attention to us, probably is a creation of the Universe as we are, and is definitely less powerful, knowing, and so forth than many of the gods of humankind’s imagination.
    There is also no proof that my assertion that I am standing, invisibly, on the top of your head at this moment, is not true. The imagination is all there is to gods.

  10. Fred Levins says:

    @Mahirane: Your comment is most welcome by this reader. You are not the first to make your point, which bears repeating. Leaving myself out of consideration in this remark, I know from my reading that you stand in good company.

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